Boy Charged with Rape

An eight-year-old boy was charged with the rape of a grown woman, and though the crime seemed highly improbable, the state's evidence was overwhelming.

As a last, desperate move, the defense counsel came over to the witness stand, pulled down the client's pants, and grabbed the boy's tiny sex organ for all to see.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the lawyer cried, turning toward the jury box, "surely you cannot believe that such a small, still undeveloped organ is sexually mature?"

Growing more agitated he went on, "How could this miniature member be capable even of erection, let alone the rape of a fully grown woman-"

"WATCH IT," yelled the kid. "One more shake and you'll lose the case!"

Question and Answer Joke: Q n A

Contributed by: Alexandra Cates Erika B. Suyo

Q: The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?
A: They used floodlights.

Q: Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A: David - he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Q: What do they call pastors in Germany?
A: German Shepherds.

Q: What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A: Turn right and go straight.

Q: Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A: The area around the Jordan - the banks were always overflowing.

Q: Which bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, son of Nun.

Q: Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A: He only had two worms!

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible ?
A: Noah: He was floating his stock, while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible ?
A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Cake or Bed?

A husband is at home watching a football game
when his wife interrupts,

Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway?
It 's been flickering for weeks now.

He looks at her and says angrily; fix the light, now?
Does it look like i have a g.e. logo printed on my forehead?
I don't think so!

The wife asks, well then, could you fix the fridge door?
it won't close right.

To which he replied, fix the fridge door?
Does it look like i have westinghouse written on my forehead?
I don't think so.

Fine, she says then you could at least fix the
steps to the front door? They're about to break.

I'm not a damn carpenter and i don't want to fix steps, he says.
Does it look like i have ace hardware written on my forehead?
I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.
He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife,
and decides to go home and help out.

As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.
As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

Honey, he asks, how'd all this get fixed?

She said, well, when you left i sat outside and cried.
Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong,
and i told him. He offered to do all the repairs,
and all i had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.

He said, so what kind of cake did you bake him?

She replied.
Hellooooo....... Do you see goldilocks written on my forehead?
I don 't think so!

Always Wear Something

The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter. "Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You should always wear something."

"Yes Mother," replied the obedient girl.

Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?"

"Not that I know of." she answered. "Why?

"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."

Pinoy Joke: Pinoy Favorite Foods

This was posted in a restaurant near NAIA airport,
so, maybe next time you are around the area, you may
as well dine-in there, and check out their menu.
As you go on, it's becoming more interesting
and flavorful.(^_^) (this is based on true facts...)

1. TAPSILOG - Tapa, Sinangag, Itlog

2. LONGSILOG - Longganisa, Sinangag, Itlog

3. HOTSILOG - Hotdog, Sinangag, Itlog

4. PORKSILOG - Pork, Sinangag, Itlog

5. CHICKSILOG - Chicken, Sinangag Itlog

6. AZUCARERA - Adobong Aso

7. LUGLOG - Lugaw, Itlog

8. PAKAPLOG - Pandesal, Kape, Itlog

9. KALOG - Kanin, Itlog

10. PAKALOG - Pandesal, Kanin, Itlog

11. MAALOG NA BETLOG - Maalat na Itlog, Pakbet, Itlog

12. BAHAW - Bakang Inihaw (akala ninyo kaning lamig
ano)

13. KALKAL - Kalderetang Kalabaw

14. HIMAS - Hipon Malasado

15. HIMAS SUSO - Hipon Malasado, Sugpo, Keso

16. HIMAS PEKPEK - Hipon Malasado, Kropek, Pinekpekan

17. PEKPEK MONG MALAKI - Kropek, Pinekpekan, Monggo,
Malasado, Laing, Kilawin

18. DILA - Dinuguan, Laing

19. DILAAN MO - Dinuguan, Laing, Dalandan, Molo

20. BOKA BOKA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape

21. BOKA BOKA MO PA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape,
Molong Pancit

22. KANTOT - Kanin, Tortang Talong

23. KANTOT PA - Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit

24. SIGE KANTOT PA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang
Talong, Pancit

25. SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin,
Tortang Talong, Pancit - Take out

26. SIGE KANTOT PA HA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin,
Tortang Talong, Pancit, Halo-halo

27. SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO PAPA - Sinigang na Pige,
Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit... Take out with Ketchup


28. PAKANTOT - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong

29. PAPAKANTOT - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong

30. PAPAKANTOT KA BA - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang
Talong, Kapeng Barako

31. PAKANTOT SA YO - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong,
Saging + Yosi

32. PAKANTOT KA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong,
Kape

33. PAKANTOT KA HABANG MATIGAS PA - Pandesal, Kanin,
Tortang Talong, Kape, Inihaw na Bangus, Maruya,
Tinola, Ginisang Aso, Pancit

34. SUBO - Sugpo, Bopis

35. SUBO MO - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo

36. SUBO MO PA - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Pancit

37. SUBO MO PA MAIGE - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Mais, Pige

38. SUBO MO TITE KO - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola, Teryaki,
Kochinta

39. SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola
Teryaki, Kochinta, Bihon, Tawilis

40. SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS, HAYOP! - ...same as #39,
minura mo lang yung waiter kasi ang tagal ng order.

Little Johnny Joke: Boy it's Dark in Here

This Little Johnny hid in his parent's bedroom closet, as he wanted to see what took place in their room when the doors were locked.

As he peeked through the slats of the closet door he saw his mother and her boyfriend going at it. Suddenly the boy's father comes home. The wife wisks her boyfriend off into the closet - the same closet her son is in.

After several minutes the boy says to the man, "Boy it's dark in here." Shocked, the man just nods his head in agreement.

After a few more minutes the boy says, "Wanna buy my baseball glove?"

The man asks "How much?" In reply the boy says $50.

The man agrees. Several more minutes pass when the boy asks the man if he'd like to buy his baseball bat for $50 as well.

The man reluctantly agrees.

After the father departs, the woman takes her boyfriend out of the closet, and too upset to continue she sends him on his way.

The next morning at the breakfast table the little boy pulls out a roll of money and begins counting it. The mother asks "Where did that come from?, to which her son replied "Can't say."

The mother asks again and upon his refusal to tell she tells Little Johnny to get in the car.

The mother takes the boy to church and tells him to get into the confessional and tell the priest where he got the money. When the priest slid the door over the boy said, "Boy it's dark in here", to which the priest replied, "Don't start that shit again!"

Pinoy Joke: Dear Ate Charo

I want to share with you and your televiewers what happened to me and my Dad one night that until now won't leave my mind. And as a personal request, I you to title this as, "Don't Dad, please..."

It is still clear in my mind. I was raining hard that night. Thunders and lightnings were everywhere, and yet the wind was warm.

I was at my room combing my hair, with just a towel around my fresh and fragrant body, after a refreshing bath. I heard my Dad knocked at my door. When I peeped, he said he wants to talk with me. I opened the door and he quickly entered.

I was surprised when he closed and locked the door. Dad held my hand. He touched gently my hair, my face. With his fingers, he traced my eyebrow, my checks, and my lips. I shouted.

"Dad noooo!!! Pleaseeeee!!!". But Dad heard nothing. He continued what he was doing. I just close my eyes. I can't bear to see what Dad was doing to me at that time.

Then I heard Mom. She was banging the door and forcing it to open but to no avail. She screamed, "You bulls---t. What are you doing? You're going to ruin our family's reputation and future. Stop iiiiiittt!!!"

But Mom can do nothing. The door was locked and Dad was as deaf as a fish. My strength quickly drained because of shock. I was helpless. It was at this time that I surrendered it all to Dad.

After a few hours, Dad stopped what he was doing. He made me face the mirror. I was surprised in the whole world of what I saw. Dad is really a good make-up artist. It was confirmed at that night.

At that same night,Dad told me and Mom of his secret. He is a gay. I was really happy that Dad finally had the courage to tell us. Mom too was happy. She was proud my Dad, in fact.

I thought my boyfriend will also be happy because i'll be more beautiful because of Dad's talent in make-ups. I hugged Mom and Dad. We all cried. I was tears of joy. Now we are a more happy family living a peaceful life.


Lovingly Yours,
Britney

P.S. This is me that night after Dad make-up me. And this too.

Pinoy Joke: The New Five Peso Bill

After the the victory of Manny Pacqiuao over Mixican's Eric Morales, Central Bank of the Philippines made a limited number of the Philippines five peso bill and spread it all over the country. Due to it's uniqueness, the said bill is now a collector's item. The Central Bank said that whoever have in position of this bill will receive a prize of 500,000.00 pesos for every copy he/she owned.

To help you identify the said five peso bill, I scanned and posted here one of the bills I own (I have a dozen for your information). See below the replica of the said five peso bill.

P.S. Please don't print a copy of this bill and present to Central Bank. They'll notice it and you might end up in the jail. I swear.