Punishment

A recently deceased man who led a truly wicked life finds he will not be spending eternity where he might have hoped. And he's met at the gates of hell by the devil himself, who walks our poor subject down a long passageway toward his ultimate destiny. On the way, they pass a room where someone is being pelted by stones.
"Who is that?" the man asks, shuddering. "That was a swindler," says the devil.
Then they pass a room where someone is being dipped repeatedly in burning oil.
"And who is that?" the man asks fearfully. "That was a murderer," says the devil.
In the next room, there's a man making love to the most beautiful woman our subject has ever seen.
"And who is that man?" he asks. "That man is a lawyer," says the devil.
At last they arrive at a room filled with fire and lined with hot coals, and the devil says, "This is where you shall spend eternity." "Now, wait a minute!" the man protests. "I understand the punishment of the swindler, and of the murderer, and I know that I myself have not been a good person, but tell me something, Why does that lawyer get to make love to that woman for all eternity?"
And at that the devil rises up fully on his haunches. In a booming voice he says, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

12 Reasons why Swearing is better than Sex

1. It’s just as much fun by yourself.
2. If you split up with your partner, they won’t spread malicious rumors about the size of your vocabulary.
3. It can be done in public.
4. The cops can’t trace you if you verbally abuse someone – usually.
5. A little one can be just as good as a big one.
6. No one gets jealous if you do it to a lot of people at the same time.
7. You won’t be ridiculed if you do it to someone of the same sex.
8. You can meet a stranger and have them doing it to you three seconds later.
9. It’s much more acceptable at family reunions, Hopefully.
10. If it comes and goes quickly it’s not a bad thing.
11. If you lose it in your old age, you won’t be disappointed.
12. No one spreads rumors about how easy you are to swear at.

Death of a Virgin

Two sisters lived together, and one became quite ill. Her doctor told her she had but a short time to live. She spoke to her sister and said. "Jennie, when I die and you put up a gravestone, I want you to inscribe it just the way I tell you. I want them to put my name on it and underneath:
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN

She died shortly thereafter, and Jennie went to the maker of the tombstone and explained what inscription she wanted. The gravestone maker told her that there were simply too many words to be put on the headstone.

Jennie complained that those were her sister's dying request. The gravestone maker assured her that he would do his best. After a month the gravestone maker called Jennie and told her the stone was ready, and that he had complied with her dead sisters wishes as best he could.

Jennie looked at the tombstone and across the top was her sister's name just as she asked, and underneath was printed.

'RETURNED - UNOPENED'

Hello Kitty Armband To Punish Thai Police

Will this pink Hello Kitty armband could really make Thai policemen hinders from misbehaving in their work? Pongpat Chayaphan, acting chief of the Crime Suppression Division in Bangkok, thinks so.

Around the world, Hello Kitty is an icon for femininity. But in Thailand, they're using it for as a punishment for misbehaved policemen. The original design was a white one but was redesign after policemen enjoyed wearing and even took home as souvenirs.

Read the full story here.

Erap Joke: Miriam vs Erap

The most intelligent "presidential", Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidential to a televised debate.
To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.

Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and hands it to
Miriam. Now, it's his turn.

He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.
She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net. Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. All to no avail. After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills.

Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.
Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....

25th Anniversary

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to screw your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

The World In My Shoulders

Funny Picture: Sale, Fifty Percent Off