How To Be Annoying (a Guide)

- Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
- Drum on every available surface.
- Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
- Ask 800 operators for dates.
- Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
- Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
- Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
- Set alarms for random times.
- Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
- Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. Honk and wave to strangers.
- Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
- Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
- Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- only type in lowercase.
- Dont use any punctuation either.
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Pay for your dinner with pennies. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
- Light road flares on a birthday cake.
- Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
- Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
- Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
- At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
- Finish the 99 bottles of beer song. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
- Drive half a block. Name your dog "Dog." Ask people what gender they are.
- Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think."
- Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
- Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
- Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

Share