School Joke: Map Reading

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

Making a Sandwich

This guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is about 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his gal climb up to the top bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper, "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.

"Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, pull it out," She screams out..."I can't get pregnant...aaahhhhhhhh"!

Then the little brother chimes in, "Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there, you're getting mayonnaise all over my face.

Four Old College Friends

Four old college friends were having coffee.

The first, a Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is now a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.'"

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace.'"

The third Catholic crone says, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence.'"

Since the fourth woman, a Jewish lady, sipped her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"

So she replies, "My son is 6' 6".. he has plenty of money... broad square shoulders ... terribly handsome ...dresses very well...tight muscular body ... tight hard buns ... and a very nice bulge ... and whenever he walks into a room .... women gasp, 'Oh, my God...'."

Little Johnny Joke: I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one

that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.

Teacher, Teacher...

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: Why are you late?
>BARBIE : Because of the sign.
>TEACHER: What sign?
>BARBIE : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: Joy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
>JOY : You told me to do it without using tables!
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: Stephen, how do you spell "crocodile"?
>STEPHEN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
>TEACHER: No, that's wrong
>STEPHEN : Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
>GERMAN : "HIJKLMNO"!!
>TEACHER: What are you talking about?
>GERMAN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: Sonjay, go to the map and find North America.
>SONJAY : Here it is!
>TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
>CLASS : Sonjay!
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: William, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
>have ten years ago.
>BYRON : Me!
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER : Benjamin, why do you always get so dirty?
>BENJAMIN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>CELIA : Dad, can you write in the dark?
>FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
>CELIA : Your name on this report card.
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
>BOBS : Don't bite any.
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: Nova, give me a sentence starting with "I".
>NOVA : I is...
>TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
>NOVA : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
>TINTIN : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday at the
>same time."
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and
>one is blue with red spots!
>LARRY : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at
>home.
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: Where did you got you good looks.
>JANIE: "I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl,
> " 'cause Mommy's still got hers.
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,
>what virtue would I be showing?
>ROLDAN : Brotherly love.
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: Now, Ivan, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
>IVAN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
>-----------------------------------------------------

>-----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
>no longer interested?
>DAISY : A teacher.
>-----------------------------------------------------