Little Johnny Joke: Realistic Drawings

Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book.
It looked so realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook, she slammed it with a ruler.
The fly didn’t fly away. So she slammed the book once again, again the fly didn’t fly away.

This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper.
With the class laughing, she realized what had happened.

Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny’s father to school.

"You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said.
"That’s nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on a fence and for two weeks straight I was pulling splinters out of my dick."

Little Johnny Joke: I Think I Can

A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils’ answer by reciting a short poem.

The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I think I can."

The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don’t give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can....and I think can!"

Little Johnny Joke: Let Me Suck It

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!" "Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered. "Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven. "Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said.

Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!". The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer.

The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?" Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

Little Johnny Joke: The Stork

Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"
"The stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said Little Johnny.
"Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?"
"Well, darling, the stork brought them too," said the mother.
The next day Little Johnny handed in his paper to the teacher. It read, "This report is impossible to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

Little Johnny Joke: Good Marks or Else

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.

He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"

Little Johnny Joke: For The Sick

Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."

Little Johnny Joke: The Value of a Catholic Education and a Pencil

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, Little Johnny, who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, "Very good!" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber, so once again, Little Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.

"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good!" and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again, Little Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped.

She shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The nun fainted...........

Little Johnny Joke: God, Are You Really There?

Little Johnny was laying about on a hill in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape.

Soon, he began to think about God.

"God? Are you really there?" Little Johnny said out loud.

To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Johnny? What can I do for you?"

Seizing the opportunity, Little Johnny asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?"

Knowing that Little Johnny could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Little Johnny could relate. "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."

"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?"

"A million dollars to me, Johnny , is like a penny."

"Wow!" remarked Little Johnny , getting an idea. "You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?"

God replied, "Sure thing, Johnny ! Just a minute."

Little Johnny Joke: Letter to GOD USA

A Little Johnny wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

Little Johnny was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:

Dear GOD,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those bastards deducted $95.00.

Little Johnny Joke: Boy it's Dark in Here

This Little Johnny hid in his parent's bedroom closet, as he wanted to see what took place in their room when the doors were locked.

As he peeked through the slats of the closet door he saw his mother and her boyfriend going at it. Suddenly the boy's father comes home. The wife wisks her boyfriend off into the closet - the same closet her son is in.

After several minutes the boy says to the man, "Boy it's dark in here." Shocked, the man just nods his head in agreement.

After a few more minutes the boy says, "Wanna buy my baseball glove?"

The man asks "How much?" In reply the boy says $50.

The man agrees. Several more minutes pass when the boy asks the man if he'd like to buy his baseball bat for $50 as well.

The man reluctantly agrees.

After the father departs, the woman takes her boyfriend out of the closet, and too upset to continue she sends him on his way.

The next morning at the breakfast table the little boy pulls out a roll of money and begins counting it. The mother asks "Where did that come from?, to which her son replied "Can't say."

The mother asks again and upon his refusal to tell she tells Little Johnny to get in the car.

The mother takes the boy to church and tells him to get into the confessional and tell the priest where he got the money. When the priest slid the door over the boy said, "Boy it's dark in here", to which the priest replied, "Don't start that shit again!"

Little Johnny Joke: I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one

that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.