Learn Chinese for Free

- Are you harboring a fugitive? = Hu Yu Hai Ding?
- See me A.S.A.P. = Kum Hia Nao
- Stupid = ManDum Gai
- Small Horse = Tai Ni Po Ni
- Your price is too high! = No Bai Dam Ting!!
- Did you go to the beach? = Wai Yu So Tan?
- I bumped into a coffee table = Ai Bang Mai Ni
- I think you need a facelift = Chin Tu Fat
- It's very dark in here = Wai So Dim?
- Has your flight been delayed? = Hao Long Wei Ting?
- That was an unauthorized execution. = Lin Ching
- I thought you were on a diet = Wai Yu Mun Ching?
- This is a tow away zone = No Pah King
- Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? = Wai Yu Sing Dum=20
- You are not very bright = Yu So Dum
- I got this for free = Ai No Pei
- I am not guilty = Wai Hang Mi?
- Please, stay a while longer. = Wai Go Nao?
- Our meeting was scheduled for next week = Wai Yu Kum Nao
- They have arrived = Hia Dei Kum
- Stay out of sight = Lei Lo
- He's cleaning his automobile = Wa Shing Ka
- Your body odor is offensive = Hu Man Go!
- Pew! does this bathroom stink! = Hu Flung Dung?

Women are Complex Creatures

- If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
- If you don't, you are not a man
- If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
- If you don't, you are good for nothing
- If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
- If you don't, you are not understanding
- If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
- If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
- If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
- If you don't, you are a dull boy
- If you are jealous, she says it's bad
- If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
- If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
- If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
- If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
- If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
- If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
- If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
- If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
- If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
- If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
- If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
- If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
- If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
- If you talk, she wants you to listen
- If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:

- So simple, yet so complex
- So weak, yet so powerful
- So confusing, yet so desirable
- So damning, yet so wonderful...

Funny Signs in Places

Advertised on the side of a city bus:
"Thinking about committing suicide? Perhaps we can help."

Written above the toilet roll dispenser in a male cubicle at Monash University in Melbourne, Australia was:
"Arts Degrees - please take one."

In downtown Pittsburgh, PA at Christmas time there was a sign on a big Catholic Church that said:
"Closed for the Holidays".

At a Pub in Australia:
Sexual harassment will not be prosecuted. However, it will be graded.

Sign on state detention center visible from traffic crawling along a Boston Interstate:
"If you had broken the law, you'd already be home!"

Sign in front of an auto junkyard on Malta:
"We Have Japanese Body Parts!"

In a pub toilet in Llanelli, west Wales:
"Yesterday, the bottom fell out of my world, so I drank 8 pints of Felinfoel Ale and this morning, the world fell out of my bottom."

On an older compact car was the bumper sticker:
"This car is constipated, it can't pass anything"