Erap Jokes: Motto

For the Army : "No pain, no gain."
For the Air Force : "No guts, no glory."
For the Marines : "No fight, no surrender."
For the Abu Sayaf's : "No ransom, no release."
For Erap : "No read, no write."

Erap Joke: Dental Appointment

The Estrada's were shown into the dentist's office, where Erap made it clear he was in a big hurry.

"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."

"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"

Erap turned to his wife Loi. "Show him your tooth, Honey."

Erap Joke: Call Center

A cub reporter was complaining about the
President's accessibility to the
media. Talking to another veteran mediaman, he
said it is harder now to get
through the President compared to those days when
he was still Mayor, Senator and even Vice President.The
mediaman said, "Pare, hindi totoo
yan! In fact they have installed a
very sophisticated telephone system over at
Malacanang. All you need to do is lift the handset
and presto you can talk to the
President anytime."
"Really?" said the amused reporter and hurriedly
ended the conversation. "O, sigue pare, thank you sa tip ha?
Tatawag na kaagad ako sa Presidente!"
And so the reporter got hold of a telephone and
dialed the Malacanang number, and this is what he heard:

"GOOD MORNING, YOU HAVE REACHED THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT. IF YOU WISH TO TALK TO HIM IN TAGALOG, PLEASE PRESS ONE. IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO HIM IN FILIPINO, PLEASE PRESS TWO. IF YOU INSIST ON TALKING TO HIM IN ENGLISH,PLEASE HANG UP AND DON'T CALL AGAIN!"

That didn't dampen the spirit of the persistent
reporter. He dialed the number again and followed the
instruction by pressing 1 (for Tagalog), and this is what he heard:

MAGANDANG UMAGA PO, ANG INYONG TAWAG AY NAKARATING SA TANGGAPAN NG PANGULONG ERAP. SA KASAWIANG PALAD, SIYA AY KASALUKUYAN PANG NATUTULOG. KUNG MAYROON KAYONG IBANG NAIS MAKAUSAP, SUNDIN ANG MGA SUMUSUNOD: "PINDUTIN ANG ISA PARA SA UNANG ASAWA, PINDUTIN ANG DALAWA PARA SA PANGALAWANG ASAWA, AT PINDUTIN ANG TATLO KUNG MAYROON KAYONG MAIRE-REKOMENDA!

Erap Joke: My Body Hurts

ERAP: Doc, help me. May body hurts all over. Look, if i touch my head, OUCH! My leg, OUCH!, Even my hair, OUCH!

DOC: Ah, Mr. President, I think your finger is broken.

Erap Joke: Cory, FVR and Erap

Si Erap, si Cory at si FVR at nahuli ng mga NPA. Sila ay dinala sa taguan ng mga ito, at i-eexecute sila sa pamamagitan ng firing squad.

Inuna ng mga NPA si Cory. Sumigaw yung leader, Ready! Sumigaw ulit, Aim! Biglang sumigaw si Cory, Bagyo!!! Nagtakbuhan yung firing squad dahil natakot sila. Nakatakas si Cory.

Pag labas ng mga ito, si FVR yung isinunod. Sumigaw yung leader, Ready! Sumigaw ulit, Aim! Biglang sumigaw si FVR, Earthquake!!! Nagtakbuhan ulit yung firing squad dahil natakot sila. Nakatakas si FVR.

Pag labas ng mga ito, si Erap na. Iniisip ni Erap kung pano sya tatakas, dahil nagamit na nung dalawang ex-presidente ang bagyo at earthquake. Sumigaw yung leader, Ready! Sumigaw ulit, Aim! Biglang sumigaw si Erap, Fire!!!

Erap Joke: Miriam versus Erap

The most intelligent "presidential", Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidential to a televised debate.
To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.

Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and hands it to
Miriam. Now, it's his turn.

He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.
She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net. Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. All to no avail. After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills.

Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.
Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....

Erap Joke: Erap endorses Milo

Erap was asked to endorse MILO (as the olympic drink). He agreed on one condition: That no script shall be given to him for he has thought of a way of endorsing the said product. Everybody agreed on the idea so finally they finalized the contract and all that stuff.

On the day of the shooting of the ad, ERAP finally delivered his most awaited impromptu ad. Then he said: "I made a very simple ad that speaks well of the product. All I will have to do is give meaning to the four-letter word of M-I-L-O!"

Then he started giving the meaning of each letter which goes like this:

M - Masarap na masarap ito.

I - Inumin ng nakararami.

L - Lasap na lasap ang lasa.

O - OVALTINE, THE OLYMPIC DRINK !!!!!!

Erap Joke: Erap Makes a Wish

Erap shows a map of the Philippines to a genie and wishes that all the islands be connected by fly-overs.

Genie: I'm not that good. Make another wish!
Erap: Okay. Make me intelligent!
Genie: Can i see the map again?

Erap Joke: Underwear

DOCTOR: I need your semen, urine and stool samples
ERAP: I am a bit in a hurry. Can I just leave my underwear?

Erap Joke: Joan of Arc

Erap went to France to watch the world cup. He was toured around by a French official. "Mr. President, this is Joan of Arc. Do you know her?"

Erap: Of course. She's Noah's wife.

Erap Joke: Wives

During a press conference on morality...

Reporter: Sir, how many women do you believe must a man marry? Erap: 16 !!!
Reporter: Why???
Erap: Because the priest says: Four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse.

Erap Joke: Potato

Erap was out dining in a restaurant when they overheard some people at another table order some potatoes and some mashed potatoes. One of Erap's dinner guests asked Erap, "What's the difference between a potatoe and a mashed potato?"

Erap pointed to the skin on his wrist, " Ito, puti 'to." He then pointed to his white shirt and said, " Ito, mas puti 'to."

Erap Joke: Logic Lang Iyan

One day, Erap sees Pres. Ramos reading a book on logic.

Erap : Fidel, mahirap yata iyang binabasa mong libro.
Ramos : Hindi, logic lang ito, madali lang.
Erap : Ano ba yang logic na yan, hindi ko yata alam yan.
Ramos : Ganito lang yan, may aquarium ka ba sa bahay?
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Kung may aquarium ka, eh di mahilig ka sa isda.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : At kung mahilig ka sa isda, mahilig ka rin sa dagat.
Erap: Oo.
Ramos ; Eh di kung mahilig ka sa dagat, gusto mo pumupunta sa beach.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : At kung mahilig kang pumunta sa beach, mahilig ka sa babaeng naka-bathing suit.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Eh kung mahilig ka sa mga seksing babaeng naka-bathing suit, eh di lalakeng - lalaki ka.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Eh kung lalakeng - lalaki ka, eh di macho ka.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Kita mo na na, ganyan lang ang logic!
Erap : Okey pala yang logic na yan, ah!

The following day, Erap sees Maceda in the Senate. . .

Erap : Pare,Maceda, susubukan ko lang itong tinuro sa aking logic ni Ramos.
Maceda : Sige nga!
Erap : May aquarium ka ba sa bahay?
Maceda : Wala.
Erap : BAKLA! BAKLA! BAKLA!

Erap Joke: Medical Exam

Erap is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt and throws it away as well. His pants, socks and watch follow suit. The nurse, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

Erap: "Miss, I am only following the instructions," he says, "it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief'."

Erap Joke: Miriam vs Erap

The most intelligent "presidential", Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidential to a televised debate.
To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.

Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and hands it to
Miriam. Now, it's his turn.

He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.
She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net. Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. All to no avail. After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills.

Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.
Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....